This is my open post to my peer reviews and I would love all the feedback I can get! Thanks everyone:)
Rough Cut
Hi everyone! This is a ROUGH draft so please know that, I will be working and revising it until I have to turn it in Friday and I would love any feedback! I really want to know what you think about the transitions, my thesis, and if you think I have supportive evidence and anything I could do to make it better!
I think my major weaknesses is transitions, and I'm not sure if it's formal enough. I am really used to writing blogs, so I don't know if this sounds too much like a blog or not. I also haven't written a real essay (that is graded) in a lonnnnggggg time so I'm worried I've forgotten how!!!
My major strengths is the fact that I talk about my previous work in high school and my first project. I think that gives me credibility, and it also shows that I have improved and why I think it was an improvement. I really hope everything makes sense and that its not the worst essay you'll ever read.
Thank you all for the feedback:)
Hey Jianna!
ReplyDeleteI read your essay and I have to say I can relate to it a lot. I get that you're worried about not being formal anough, but I think the tone of voice displayed is perfect! After all it is a reflection about your personal wiring process. I think maybe splitting some of the really long paragraphs into shorter ones would help make your essay a little easier to read. Besides that, I think you essay looks great! Good luck on finishing and on finals!
I think your essay is very well done. You did a good ob at adding some voice to it instead of making it just a monotonous essay, which is something I usually have trouble with. I think the only thing you have to work on is rewording some sentences here and there. Also, there are a couple of grammar errors. Other than that, I like where your essay is heading.
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