1) In my draft, I noticed that many of my sentences are "loose". They are mostly long because I try to provide a lot of detailed information in my sentences. For example, I said "Every night, the sun sets behind the mountains, causing the sky to turn into a cloud of color, the brightest oranges and florescent violets light up the sky in the most breath taking way possible." This is a loose sentence because it is long and has a lot of commas because I have a lot of description. I also have redundancies to add emphasis and to paint more of a picture when I could be more clear and concise. But, I think that that if I made my sentences more concise when describing setting or when the event took place, it would lose tone and my reader wouldn't feel as connected to me (the author) or be as interested in the story.
2) I think my my paragraph structures are good. My QRG flows logically, and each paragraph has a sort of subtitle so the reader knows exactly what they are going to learn more about.
3) For vocabulary, I think that I may have to amp it up some. I feel like my vocabulary is fine, but it could definitely be improved and made more sophisticated. I made my QRG simple to read and easy to follow, so anyone (even "pot heads") can read it and understand how the legalization of recreational marijuana has changed Colorado. I think that I could use better vocabulary in my post to make it more professional. However, I want my reader to be anyone who is interested in legalizing marijuana, so I think it is important that I don't make my vocabulary too complicated!
I'm finally seeing the light at the end of this seemingly infinite tunnel!!!!!!!!!!!
Vestman. "Light at the End of Tunnel" 04/19/2009 via Flickr
CC Attribution 2.0 Generic
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