For this blog post, I will be doing a peer review and include the links to the project that I looked at and wrote about.
This peer review is on Sienna Wills' rough draft of her standard college essay about Barbie. I will be making remarks and recommendations concerning content for her rough draft.( you might have to request for the essay to be shared with you because of her preferences).
For this essay, I chose to recommend help on content. I thought that her form was good, but her content needed some development.
I think I helped Sienna get better by telling her that she needs to include more sources, and re-read her easy because some of the sentences are structured oddly and they are confusing to read. I also suggested that she should make it more clear to the reader what her point is and what she is writing on (causal, proposal, good idea, bad idea).
I talked about sources and how important it is to upholding and creating credibility for yourself. I explained that she effetely used her sources where I saw them, but I didn't see many of them and that she should add some more to help her credibility.
I really liked her topic. I never really thought about Barbie as being so controversial. I mean sure, I have heard that her body proportions are unattainable, but I never really thought people looked to a doll for body inspiration...it seems kind of silly to me. Anyways, I liked Sienna's topic and I thought she had a pretty solid essay so far. It really flowed well and it was very informative. I'm looking forward to see her progress.
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